me: hey google what's up
google: did you mean the stratosphere?
me: that's my shit, google. anyway, you know where i can find them little hot dogs, the mini wieners they serve at weddings?

darkbluetile:

take me to expensive restaurants so I can take selfies in their beautiful bathrooms

flightcastiel:

why are there some lipsticks like $30 please calm down you glorified red crayon

snapchatting:

*promotes my blog at ur funeral*

I guess
I disagree with you but ill let you have this one because I don’t feel like debating anymore with your simple ass (via monitormylife)

cloppinq:

i wonder if dogs think people r cute too

men: women who wear makeup are just lying to us
men: it's 8 inches

smallpunk:

insects bug me

retiredjesus:

*fucks something serious up*

me: shit my bad

scottish:

i hate it when u stop being friends w someone or u break up w someone cos uve got all this information about them like at the back of ur mind like their birthday or their favorite game or whatever, and even years later things will come up and you’ll think about that person and its like. oh. and it never really Stops